Reading Julien Green, his novels and his newspaper have given me much food for thought. As we read the lives of the saints, have much wealth to explore what is inside the soul of people, this intimate space where God speaks and the same psychology is unable to decipher.
In his diary tells of his encounter with the grace and sin, and his own experience of seeking truth, beauty and good in their own lives. From the diary (cited by Charles Moeller in his great series "Christianity and Literature in the twentieth century") I like going to share some passages that I find extremely rewarding.
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The text, written on May 11, 1942, hammed it up these days that I could reconnect with my friends from childhood and adolescence.
May 11, 1942.
"lo and behold, then, about forty-two years ... What do you think the guy you were at sixteen, if I could judge? What would you say that you've come to do? Would it have simply agreed to live to be transformed as well? Is it worth it? What secret has not disappointed hopes, of which not even remember? It would be extremely interesting, though sad, to deal with these two beings, one of which promised so much and the other has accomplished so little. I suppose the younger apostrophe at wholesale without indulgence: "I've cheated, you stole." Where are all the dreams that you had committed? What have you done with all the wealth that so crazy put in your hands? I responded you, for you promised . You did bankruptcy. More than I should have run away with all that still possessed, and also has squandered. Do not admire, but to the contrary. "And what would the most to defend? Would speak of experience, his reputation in his pockets feverishly look in the drawers of his desk, something to be justified. But they defend evil and I would be ashamed. " (Journal III, 214-215)
It makes me remember how much pain I was very young. At fifteen, I think he was a kid unbearable. Of the sixteen to eighteen was proud, conceited, arrogant. I thought the world was an apple, and I thought he had ambitions the story of the most important thing was to have an iron will, conquering, courageous, without fear, to test every eventuality. But at the same time was a reflection of instability that was shown trying to strengthen ethical standards. Today I would say in contrast to Green, I am ashamed of what I was a kid. Perhaps as we all happens, I was wrong and I will have learned something.
I'm not even remotely, which makes twenty, or fifteen years would have wanted. If, as in that movie Bruce Willys Topara me to myself in another stage of my life, or as Green puts it had that "encounter", I would advise not to trust those with inflammatory speeches and voluntarist to read more and leave aside the activist, who was not afraid to find what was inside of my heart, to pray and I love them more and require less. And he most likely had not heard me.
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